In this tutorial we have a Band 8 essay graded by an EX-IELTS examiner (from our team of essay correctors!).
First you can read the essay, and after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 8.
This tutorial will help you understand:
- How an essay gets a Band 8
- What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 8
- How you can link ideas smoothly
It is the job of governments and companies to deal with the huge environmental problems of climate change. Individuals on their own can do little or nothing’. What is your opinion about this statement?
There is now little doubt that (TR1) / (CC1) global warming and climate change are the result of human activity. This has happened because of a failure in environmental policy by governments and a lack of concern for wasted energy by individuals. (LR1) / (GR1)
TR1 / CC1 – An appropriate way to begin this type of essay.
LR1 / GR1 – Excellent use of language – both lexically and grammatically.
It is almost universally accepted that (CC2) climate change is the consequence of a number of environmental failings. Perhaps the most important of these (CC3) is how fossil fuels such as gas and coal are still the main source of power. This is a problem because their use means that a large amount of CO2 is released into the atmosphere causing the greenhouse effect (LR2). Another serious issue is how illegal logging (LR3) continues in rainforests and the Amazon Basin in particular. (CC4) It should also not be forgotten that there is a connection between global warming and the inefficient use of energy by consumers in the home. (GR2) / (TR2)
CC2 – An impressive way to introduce the first ‘body paragraph’.
CC3 – Appropriate, accurate use of referencing.
LR2 – Accurate use of a wide range of vocabulary which relates specifically to the topic.
LR3 – More effective use of some impressive vocabulary.
CC4 – The link between these sentences could be smoother.
GR2 – Flawless use of a wide range of grammatical structures to this point in the essay.
TR2 – Task achievement could be stronger in this paragraph. Try to address the question more directly.
While governments must take prime responsibility for reducing (LR4) climate change, individuals too can play a part (LR4). (TR3) Political leaders across the globe (LR5) need to cooperate so that research into renewable forms of energy such as wind and solar power is properly funded and the use of coal and gas in power stations is phased out. (LR6) / (GR3) They must also of course ensure that regulations against logging are properly enforced (LR7) / (GR4). Consumers of energy can help by insulating their homes properly (LR8) and using solar panels where possible so that less energy is required and wasted (GR5). These actions should limit the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere and so reduce the greenhouse effect. (TR4)
LR4 – Lovely natural use of collocation.
TR3 – This is the first time the task has been addressed directly. Aim to focus on the question much earlier in the essay.
LR5 – Very natural language use.
LR6 / GR3 – Lovely accurate use of a wide range of vocabulary and grammar.
LR7 / GR4 – Slight repetition with ‘properly’, but impressive use of language.
LR8 – Natural but a bit repetitive.
GR5 – Very natural use of language.
TR4 – True, but focus more on the question.
In conclusion (TR5) / (CC5), while global warming is a serious threat to humanity (LR9), there are a number of steps that can be taken (LR9) to reduce its effects. (TR6)
TR5 / CC5 – An appropriate way to introduce the final paragraph.
LR9 – Very natural use of collocation.
TR6 – A bit off topic here. Focus on whether it is the responsibility of governments or individuals.
PROBABLE SCORE: 8.0 / 8.5
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