This tutorial will help you:
-Choose the right information to include in your essay
-How to get your paragraphs in a logical order which will help your coherence.
-How to use great grammar but make it sound natural
-How to use a wide range of vocabulary to talk about the same thing and not repeat yourself!
Read the following essay review along with the podcast:
Local governments are pushing companies to move from large cities to regional locations. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In a growing number of countries, it has been seen that regional governments have been encouraging businesses to relocate from metropolises to less developed areas. While the movement of companies to regional areas can boost employment and expand those places, businesses might face some challenges in terms of employing a skilled workforce and profits which might constitute relevant disadvantages.
On the one hand, the decision of local Governments to attract businesses to regional areas is likely to be economically and socially advantageous for locals. With regards to the former, the establishment of new industries in non-centralised areas, such as towns, villages or more rural places undoubtedly results in more jobs and can be a solution for high unemployment rates seen outside urban areas. More jobs opportunities mean a higher investment in those areas, namely in the construction of new development projects such as more houses, new schools and hospitals as the number of inhabitants is likely to increase and so will their basic needs.
Taking Telford as an example, one of the fastest-growing towns in the UK shows how the movement of businesses from megacities in this case Birmingham, has allowed the expansion of other areas in the country therefore improving the national welfare. Consequently, quality of life in regional areas has been enhanced, thanks to new industries which have attracted people to live and work there.
On the other hand, companies which relocate to regional areas might face relevant and pertinent challenges. Firstly, because they are moving to more underpopulated areas, they are less likely to find a highly-skilled workforce. Nowadays, there is no doubt that students and qualified professionals tend to choose urban living because it offers a high-standard of universities and better career opportunities . Secondly, companies who move to regional areas can be taking a risk in terms of profits because these areas may not offer much potential as large cities do. This is due to the fact that the former lacks infrastructure such as roads and railways necessary to transport materials for industries. Taking the distribution of ports as an example, these are mostly located next to cities turning the trade of goods and services far more accessible, quicker and thus cheaper in comparison to more remote areas. Therefore, regional areas may lack essential features that might compromise the profitability of businesses.
In summary, there is no doubt that it can be enormously beneficial for local population when governments attract more businesses to regional areas. However, those who chose or are obliged to relocate can face some critical drawbacks which may hinder their future progress.
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YOU MAY READ THE FULL TUTORIAL AND REVIEW HERE:
Ben: Hello there, IELTS students. Welcome to IELTS podcast. You no longer have to worry, fret or panic about IELTS because we are here to guide you through this test jungle. Enjoy these IELTS tutorials and if you need more help or want to access the famous online course, you can visit us at ieltspodcast.com.
Daphne: Hello, IELTS students. Thanks for choosing to listen to this tutorial from ieltspodcast.com. My name is Daphne. In this tutorial, I’m going to review a great essay which has been written by one of our students who’s been working on our courses and using our correction services for a while.
So, her story; she decided to take her time preparing for IELTS. So, as well as working for her job, she watches all the videos which come as part of the course and she writes masses of really good essays. Every time she writes, we gave her feedback so she can learn from the feedback and she can make improvements each week. She’s now enrolled on a 20-essay correction pack as her exam is quite close.
|LET’S LOOK AT HOW THIS ESSAY CAN SCORE A BAND 7|
So, I’m so impressed with her dedication and her massive effort that I’ve decided to share one of her essays with you and so you can see how this essay could score a band 7. In this podcast, we’re going to go through the essay and I’ll explain what an IELTS examiner would be looking for and what they would really like about this essay.
So, remember we’re going to refer to the four criteria. Task achievement that means are you answering the question? Coherence and cohesion; so how easy is it to follow the essay or follow the arguments? Grammatical range and accuracy and also lexical range, too. That means what’s the vocabulary like? How many different words are you using?
So, this tutorial will help you choose the right information for your essay, how to get your paragraphs in a really good order and that will help your coherence, how to use great grammar, but make it sound natural, and how to use a wide range of vocabulary to talk about the same thing so you don’t repeat yourself.
Now, you can see the full essay on the website and that will make it easier for you to follow my comments. I’ve color-coded the comments so you can see which ones refer to grammar and which ones refer to vocabulary.
All right. The title of this essay is local governments are pushing companies to move from large cities to regional locations. So, local governments are pushing companies to move from large cities to regional locations. What are the benefits and drawbacks of this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
If you want to test yourself, you could pause here and take a few minutes to think about what you would write if you were going to tackle this essay. So, the student shared her planning with us. She just wrote a few notes at the top of her essay. You don’t have to do this, but it’s quite a good discipline if you do.
|THE ESSAY TOPIC|
She decided to write about the benefits of new jobs created by a company if it moved to a rural area and the higher investment in infrastructure. So, you’d need new roads if you were going to move lots of new companies there. As drawbacks, she’s going to talk about an under-skilled workforce and less opportunity for a company to be successful if it moves out of a city. Also, she’s going to talk about the fact that the communication might not be so good.
So, this to me looks all very interesting and absolutely on topic. So, I can see that she’s going to do a good essay here. Let me read you the introduction.
In a growing number of countries, it has been seen that regional governments have been encouraging businesses to relocate from metropolises to less developed areas. While the movement of companies to regional areas can boost employment and expand those places, businesses might find some challenges in terms of employing a skilled workforce and boosting profits which might constitute relevant disadvantages.
|SHOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION|
Okay. Wow! Immediately, I can see this is a very confident essay. The student is showing the examiner she totally understands the question. So, how do we know this? Excellent paraphrasing that is using different languages– sorry different vocabulary, different words from the title question.
So, for example, government pushing companies; so she said here– she changed that to the movement of companies and instead of from large cities to regional locations, she’s talked about regional areas. So, she’s changed the vocabulary and that shows me she understands.
Another great bit of vocab here: employing a skilled workforce. So, a nice collocation skilled workforce and boosting profits. Again, nice collocation. These words all go with business. So, the lexical range we talk about is the field of language that’s going to be needed for this essay is all to do with business and employment and that’s really important.
Also, here she’s showing she understands the question. So, she’s referencing the benefits of relocation which means they might boost employment and expand those places. So, this introduction works, okay? It shows the examiner 1) you understand the essay title and you know what you have to do. You’re going to talk about benefits and disadvantages and 2) you know what you’re going to say. So, this is a task achievement. It’s clearly laid out what the essay is going to talk about.
So, let’s get into the first body paragraph. It’s quite long, so I’ll read half it to you now. This is talking about the benefits of moving companies to the countryside, so out of cities. On the one hand, the decision of local governments to attract businesses to regional areas is likely to be economically and socially advantageous for locals.
Great vocabulary there; economically and socially advantageous for locals. Really nice. Nice adverbs there and the adverbs are describing the adjective advantageous. That’s a good, good word.
With regards to the former, the establishment of new industries in non-centralized areas such as towns, villages, or more rural places undoubtedly results in more jobs and can be a solution for high unemployment rates seen outside urban areas.
What I really, really like there– this is something that I say to a lot of students– they’ve written the establishment of new industries in non-centralized areas and then added such as towns, villages, or more rural places. So, they’re giving me examples immediately of what they mean by non-centralized areas using this little phrase such as and then three nouns which are basically other words for non-centralized areas. This is really, really good. This is developing the idea by adding three nouns which is very good quality. Fantastic thing to do.
More opportunities mean a higher investment in those areas namely the construction of new development projects again such as more houses, new schools, hospitals. See again? Three nouns to explain what she means by new development projects and that finishes off– sorry, I’ll go back there. …namely the construction of new development projects such as more houses, new schools, and hospitals as the number of inhabitants is likely to increase, so will their basic needs, okay? So will their basic needs.
|SHOW YOUR LEXICAL RANGE AND USE GOOD VOCABULARY|
So, there is so much good stuff to pick out in there. The fantastic vocabulary shows a wide lexical range and don’t forget– I know I talk about vocabulary a lot, but this is 25% of the marks. It’s really important and this is a language exam. So, show off your language. So, great vocab there. I love that power of three. So, developing the idea through those extra words.
And then the grammar here also, really confident this sentence. As the number of inhabitants is likely to increase, so will their basic needs. It is kind of zero conditional. It’s a great example of a complex sentence, so the examiner will really love that. As the number of inhabitants is likely to increase, so will their basic needs.
The paragraph continues– this is still the first paragraph– using the example of Telford. So, it says use examples from your own experience and Telford is a growing town outside Birmingham in the UK.
|USE PERSONAL EXAMPLES OR EXPERIENCES|
So, taking Telford as an example, one of the fastest growing towns in the UK shows how the movement of businesses from mega cities, in this case Birmingham, has allowed the expansion of other areas in the country therefore improving the national welfare. Consequently, quality of life in regional areas has been enhanced thanks to new industries which have attracted people to live and work there.
So, I did joke with the student about Telford because it’s a very specific example, but she said she’s visited the UK and in fact stayed near Birmingham. So, this is an example of her using her own experience. Maybe she drove past Telford, I don’t know, but she can picture what it’s like because she knows Birmingham is very big and so she’s used that as her example.
There is nice grammar in here. The whole sentence reads really, really well. The grammatical devices; let’s have a look. The area has been enhanced thanks to new industry. So, present perfect passive– has been enhanced– passive voice always good. Thanks to; dependent preposition. Thanks to, not thanks for or thanks on which is really important these prepositions. At this level, you need to get these right.
Also, which have attracted people, too. So, relative clause that adds extra information– which have attracted– present perfect have attracted and then the dependent preposition attracted to. So again, using the prepositions and getting them absolutely right. So, really, really strong.
So, the second paragraph, she’s going to change direction and we’re going to examine some of the drawbacks. On the other hand, companies which relocate to regional areas might face relevant and pertinent challenges. Firstly, because they’re moving to more under-populated areas, they are less likely to find a highly skilled workforce.
Very clear, good change of direction, good coherence. So, on the other hand– I know that we’re changing direction here; nice vocab. I like this relevant and pertinent challenges. Pertinent means the kind of specific challenges that a company would find.
|COHERENCE DEVELOPMENT IN THE ESSAY|
So, the next sentence she’s used firstly, because they are moving. Now, personally I would avoid using they in academic essays. So, I modify this to say because firms are moving. So, I’m going to throw in another word instead of companies and businesses. I’m going to use firms are moving to more under-populated areas.
So, she carries on. Nowadays, there is no doubt that students and qualified professionals tend to choose urban living because this offers a higher standard of universities and better career opportunities. She’s explaining why there may not be a qualified workforce in the rural area.
So, this is fantastic essay development. The task achievement absolutely superb here. Really explain; you’re not just making a point and leaving it there kind of hanging in the air. Explaining the point why she said that and what her kind of rationale, what her thinking is.
Secondly, companies who moved to regional areas can be taking a risk in terms of profits because these areas may not offer as much potential as cities do. This is due to the fact that the former lacks infrastructure such as roads and railways necessary to transport materials for industries. Therefore, regional areas may lack essential features that might compromise the profitability of businesses.
So, what is really good here is not only you can hear this is very sophisticated language but the coherence and the development of the essay. You’ve got good topic sentences. Topic sentences are the most important sentence in the paragraph and there are a few topic sentences here. So, there you’ve got good topic sentences and this is one of the points we make in the online course; the 12-point Sentence Guide, the guide to writing these Task 2 essays. It’s really important that the examiner can see your argument progressing and that you’re sticking to the question.
|DO YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE AND THEN DEVELOP YOUR TOPIC SENTENCE|
So, do your topic sentence and then you develop your topic sentence using connecting words as well. Firstly, followed by an example then secondly followed by another point and another example and the examiner can see the progression of the paragraph and where it’s going and obviously, this is going to make it clearer. So, lots and lots of good stuff in that paragraph. So, that was the coherence we were talking about then. So much good stuff.
So, here we go. Here’s the conclusion. In summary, there’s no doubt that it can be enormously beneficial for local populations when governments attract more businesses to regional areas. However, those who choose or are obliged to relocate can face some critical drawbacks which may hinder their future progress.
This is a clever choice of word here; obliged to relocate kind of connects me back to the title because the title actually said businesses being pushed to relocate. So, obliged really sort of acknowledges that yes, companies might not want to. They may be forced to. So, there’s a neat summary, the conclusion, of the main ideas.
So, we don’t want any new ideas in the conclusions because that would just be confusing. We want to summarize what she said and this shows a very good grasp of the level of vocabulary. So again, really good collocations: enormously beneficial, local population, obliged to relocate, critical drawbacks, hinder their future progress. Hinder me to hold back future progress. Lots and lots of great stuff here.
So, yes, let’s summarize this all. What I really want to say to you is don’t be put off by this essay. Be inspired by this essay. This is very good, but you can do this, too. When you write, think about adding a variety of different vocab in the same lexical field. Remember lexical field is like the umbrella of words that are used for in this case business and employment. That sort of thing. So, avoid repetition.
Think about your coherence. So, sign post your essay using connecting words. Show the examiner which direction you’re going in, if you’re changing direction, or if you’re adding to a point you just made. Think about varying your grammar. So here, I showed you passive voice and relative clauses which are adding information.
Keep checking all the way through that you are on point. Check you’re answering the question and you haven’t gone off the point which we all know is very easy when you start writing and you get excited.
|DON’T FORGET TO SIGN UP!|
So, I hope you found this useful. Thank you to my student for letting me use her essay. If you are struggling with your IELTS preparation and want to get some super friendly professional help, don’t forget; sign up for our podcasts and emails at ieltspodcast.com and these are full of tutorials and guidance. Get involved in the course. We do lots of little videos on the course, essay feedback like this personalized to help you. If you have a friend who’s working towards IELTS, share this podcast with them. Good luck to all of you with your preparation and talk to you soon.
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