This student really surprised me with his focus and ambition to pass IELTS.

His first essay looked like this:

International marketing is sometimes seen as invasive and an intrusion into the country in question. Others argue that it is a necessary and economical form of education in addition to spreading ideas, language and culture. What do you think?

Ever since the era of globalisation and technology revolution, multinational companies across the globe have invested vigorously in their international marketing campaigns in new markets, such as Asia. While some sociologists argue that this trend has negative impacts on local culture and market, others believe that it is beneficial and also unavoidable in modern world. In this essay, I shall examine a number of sociological studies which show that both viewpoints, to some degree, are justified.

To begin with, these global marketing campaigns can be considered culprit for increasingly sketchy knowledge of citizens about their own countries and local cultural value. This is because nowadays, people are constantly being exposed to million-dollar advertisements with flashy products from large corporations; and foreign brands and cultural objects have flooded local markets. For example, a study by the Asian Cultural Association found that teenagers in Vietnam knew more about Zara clothes than traditional Vietnamese woodcuts, as the result of the influence from Zara’s international advertising strategies. Therefore, the role of global marketing in local value can be questionable.

On the other hand, open-mindedness that is derived from such exposure to the international marketing can be a valuable benefit. In other words, it helps individuals to sync in with global trends as well as to be exposed to different cultures; and latest ideas and innovation can be spread rapidly across the world, thus encouraging more innovative concepts and development. For example, sociologists at Singapore University found that about 30% more young people expressed interests and entered technology field to study after the marketing campaign of Iphone. Seen in this light, such marketing strategy can be of vital significance in promoting innovation and curiosity in young individuals.

In conclusion, there are clear advantages and disadvantages that marketing campaigns of global companies can offer. In the future, I believe that if cultural values and traditions are emphasised and promoted more forcefully by local governments along with international trends, the negative aspects will surely be ameliorated.

But by the end of the course his essay were quite simply flawless! No wonder he jumped to 7!

Traditional schooling is out of date, boring and stifles a child’s natural talents. Various professors have pushed for an education revolution. Are there alternatives in the education system? Is traditional education doing more harm than good?

The issue of demanding a reform in the education system has grown in importance in recent years. There is now convincing evidence indicating that the conventional education is completely outdated in the present-day society. This essay will analyse the issue and suggest alternative solution using examples from recent research to support the argument.

Firstly, traditional schools have clearly been deteriorating students’ creativity and talents. This is because the process of generalising all children by offering one-size- fit-all teaching method, greatly prevents young learners to develop to their fullest potential. For instance, recent research in traditional classrooms revealed that 30% of children remained below average while there were 5% of extremely smart students, with another 10% showing interests in different subjects such as the Art. Consequently, with the presence of such diversity, traditional schoolings can be clearly seen as ineffective.

In order to avoid the severe consequences, the method of personalising teaching can be an effective solution. This is due to the possibility that educators can now follow and pay individual attention to children with the assistance of the Internet and smart devices such as Ipad or laptops. For example, a study by Yale child psychologists found that children were 60% more interest and receptive in learning math and beating their own records via individual courses from Khan Academy. It is therefore clear that children can learn more effectively with individual attention.

In conclusion, the cited evidence clearly supports a reform in education sector. If the teaching programs can be delivered according to students’ abilities and interests, children can surely grow with their full natural talents.

Here is the correction:

Should human adapt to technology or should technology adapt to us? Is technology making us intellectually weaker or more intelligent?

In recent years, many analysts have argued that modern citizens have adapted heavily to technological innovation, which diminishes considerably their intelligence. Nevertheless, this essay shall analyse the issue using examples from smartphone and cognitive research to support the opposite viewpoint.

Firstly, new creations have been invented for human’s benefits since the beginning of history and technology is no exception. It is because if these innovations are not based upon human’s needs and are adapted to society’s developments, they will undoubtedly be eliminated. For example, the generation of smartphone has been evolved from the conventional cell phone due to modern citizens’ desires evolving from just call and text-message function to other convenience including browsing the Internet. Consequently, it can be seen that newly invented technology should be adaptable to modern users.

Secondly, the latest inventions greatly enhance our intellectual abilities if used effectively. In fact, unimportant tasks can now be memorised and performed by devices such as smartphones and laptops, thus allowing users to deal with more essential matters; furthermore, with instant access to the internet, informed decisions can be made quickly by tech-savvy individuals. For instance, recent research by Yale psychologists found that office workers who had utilised technology to assist their daily tasks, were 40% more productive and alert to market trends. It is therefore clear that integrating technology properly can greatly benefit human’s intellectual ability.

In conclusion, the cited evidence clearly supports the view that technology has been adapted into human society, enhancing our intelligence. This view will surely surge in popularity if modern users manage to integrate these innovations effectively into their lives.

And here is the correction:

And here we have the final IELTS results!

ielts-result-tuan_new

If you need to pass IELTS soon then have a look at the course Tuan took: http://www.sentenceguide.com/, or perhaps you just want feedback on your IELTS essays: www.IELTSWritingtask.net

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